痴心妄想

最近,听说她觉得有点后悔...
后悔她曾经做过的决定...
后悔她选择了离开我...
我顿时感觉到那曾经很熟悉,强烈的感觉,
再次的占领我心里的每一寸...

我觉得恨牟盾...
一方面,我相信我对她的那种感觉,依然还在...
另一方面,我害怕再次承受那永远不能自愈的打击...
征求朋友的意见,只是一个借口去拖延自己...
不让自己面对那残酷无情的事实...
心里其实已有一个决定,决定再去尝试争取自己的幸福...
但是,我还是那原来的我...
没足够的勇气与胆量,去接受那捉摸不定的未来...

想去问清楚...
想去重拾以前那美好的回忆...
但她还是她...
问她许多东西,她也都只会随便的回答一句...
我的努力,永远都得不到她的配合而白费...
她不需要为任何人改变自己...
但是适量的改变,
绝对能让我们从一个不愉快的结局,
去开始缔造一页页美丽的童话...

她对我的冷淡,让我退缩,止步...
让我重新的了解,
她后悔,
其实只因为她觉得内疚...
内疚把我伤害的如此深...
而绝非因为她对我还有感觉...

梦,是时候醒了...
希望自己不再痴心妄想...
不再抱有任何的希望...
就让她,慢慢地离我走远,开始那属于我们那各自的生活...

In My Arms Again (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Which clip do you guys prefer???

In My Arms Again (Anime)

三年半

也应该差不多三年半了吧...
怎么样也忘不了...
但比起以前那倾盆大雨
我想,现在只剩绵绵细雨吧...
回想起真的经历了很多...
但一想起那讽刺的一句,
“追求她的时间还长过我们交往的时间”
心顿时觉得有一点点的不舒服...
但没办法,
可能她觉得我不是她想要的那类型吧...
也许我这个人太没情趣,她觉得和我在一起时,缺乏了那种浪漫的感觉吧...
也许是我做的实在太多了,她已经厌倦了吧...
也许是在交往过后的一个月,她才发觉自己不喜欢我吧...

忘记她的生日是我不对...
是我粗心,还是大意?
是我太过在意她的生日而忘记呢?
还是我真的把她给忘了?
她说,可能是因为她的离去对我来讲不是什么大不了的事,
所以才会忘记她的生日吧...
她说这是一种解脱...
她再也不用因为她的离去而感到内疚...
内疚?
难道她之前跟我在一起,不是因为她喜欢我,
而只是想感谢我对她的爱?

我真的很想对她说,她错了...
她的离去对我来讲是一件大事...
但又何必呢?
既然她已说那是一种解脱,
我想我也应该让她开开心心的活下去...
既然我对这一段感情再也不抱什么希望,
我也不可以那么自私...
只希望她能够过她想要的生活...

我也该拥有我自己的生活...
或许在我还没读完书之前,我都不会谈恋爱吧...

Advices

The feeling of being home is always the best...
The smell of my favourite dishes tickled the tip of my nose again...
I can't stop my legs from speeding up themselves cantering towards my grandma's house,
Towards the laughters of my 2-year-old and 3-year-old cousins that were caressing my eardrum again...
I can't wait to put my lips on their soft cheeks...

The bedroom is so familiar to me...
Two beds are arranged side by side with a window on the right in this small little chamber...
Through the window , every morning the starch white sunlight will blind me momentarily...
Usually I'll turn about and away from the light, to the left...
A bookshelf is there with all my brother's books and also mine...
Trophies are standing up high on it...
Indicating all the success that we have gone through before we reach this part of our lives;
And sure, also all the hard works that we have to cope with behind this glory history...

I talked to my mum and dad at a drizzling night after the dinner...
Sometimes when we think too far,
Unnecessary worries will find their way to us...
So it is better to complete daily task without thinking of what would happen next and always have the worst contemplation...
I think, what I should do now is to set a target for myself daily...
Concentrate fully on the tasks on my hand and put in more effort to every little thing that I should do daily...
It's just like building block...
If we thought of how high we could reach and the consequences after our job is done,
we'll never do our current task well, and the outcome will never be positive...
It's better to concentrate on only each block that we're handling,
No matter how long it takes, we'll sure have a strong and stable building block in the end...

Hope I can really make it...

You're SAMRT!!!

"You're smart!"
Some of my friends have said this to me...
But, I'm not...

I'm not consistence enough...
Although ups and downs are significant components that make up one's interesting life,
I don't think I would welcome them to interrupt my performance in my study...
Climbing up a versant and building up my confidence is a time-consuming and an energy-hungry process...
But whenever I've reached until a certain level...
I'll roll down the slope and fall back to the foot of the mountain where I've my zero confidence...

I'm not consistence enough...
So, which word describes me the best???
Smart or stupid? 
I don't really know where I stand...
When I'm with a stupid person, I'm smart;
When I'm with a smart person, I'm stupid...
These two sentences seem easy to be understood...
But can these two sentences show clearly what the words "smart" and "stupid" mean???
All adjectives are the outcomes of comparison...
Maybe I shouldn't have bothered so much on the power of words...

I'm not consistence enough...
Maybe I should not put the blame on others but on me...
Maybe I'm just an ordinary guy who is not capable enough to handle the competitive surroundings...
Maybe I'm now on the wrong track and tend to deviate from my chosen path, away from the group of friends whom I care the most...
Maybe... Maybe and maybe...

So many uncertainties I've encountered...
And so many stress I've to endured...
If I were unbearable, what would happen next?
No matter how it would be, I won't let myself fall, nor my spirit..
Never ever...

2 days ago...

08 DEC 2008 (enjoyable and happy day!!!) :

This morning I helped my grandma to start painting her house. The people involved were me, my uncle, my aunt and 1 of my cousins (the fat one =P). At first, I painted the middle part of the wall in the living room. Quite successful. Hehe... But my cousin was just simply applying the paint on the wall. So, when my aunt came, everybody was blaming and criticising his work. Haha... Pity him la... But he was really playing around only. After 20 or 30 minutes I think, he was sitting down, enjoying the food bought by my aunt and rest. Too fat and too lazy. Haha... Then my aunt had to help to re-paint the part that painted by him. Troublesome they said. =) Quite fun actually. But the sad thing is I didn't take any photos on that day... =( When the clock stroke 12, I rushed back to my house and get myself cleaned. Cause I've to play DOTA with my friends!!! Lol... 2p.m. we started at infinity and we played till 7p.m. 4 games we played I think. Lost 2 and won 2. Hehe... Actually I couldn't remember well all the games. What I can remember is the last game. My opponent was Rikimaru and I was using Minara Nightshade. In the early game, me and my friend farmed well. My friend was using Fearie Dragon. And my friend (Fearie Dragon) farmed like hell, when I was on the half way getting my MKB, he got Skuadi already. And we couldn't pawn like hell, but at least we still can psuh la... In late game, we pushed 2 lanes already and they 1 lane only. But the riki, 1 hero came from the back and their team won the game, really omg... Haha... After our dinner, we played two games again. And this time, we didn't shuffle player but divided properly. Luckily I got my two best favourite teammates, Tat Mun and Jasper. Don't know why, I always can co-operate well with them. Then at last, we won the two games and beat down the person who used Rikimaru last time... Lol...

09 DEC 2008 (busy busy busy!!!) :
 This morning I thought I can have my eyes' test and choose my frame. But my mum phoned them and was told that the person who does the eyes' test was not here today. So, have to delay a day again... T_T... After that, it was a busy, tiring and occupied day. My grandma asked me and two cousins (both fat ones... Haha...) to paint again. This time I was the one in charged of the top part... Cause I'm the tallest at home now. (proud... Lol...) But it was really very tiring. After working for a whole day, I still played tower defense. Hehe... And now I'm still blogging. Haha... So, I think it's bed time for me le... Hehe... Nitez...